I can't describe
by The fourth Bionic
Summary: How Will Halstead is going to react when he sees his brother on the ED? It takes place between Absolution and Mercy.


I can't describe how I felt when they brought him in. When I saw his face. When I noticed the pool of blood on his chest.

I can't describe how I felt when he was rushed into Bagdad and they let me in.

I can't describe how I felt when he was moved upstairs.

I can't describe how I felt when Marcel looked at me in despair.

I can't describe how I felt when I saw my brother being operated through the glass.

I can't describe how I felt when I talked to his doctor.

I can't describe how I felt when he told me the bad news.

I can't describe how I felt when I walked through the hallway towards the waiting room.

I can't describe how I felt when I faced almost every police officer of Chicago PD.

I can't describe how I felt when I announced them the bad news.

I can't describe anything. It just hurts.

It was a normal day at the ED. A normal amount of incomings, nothing serious apart from a kid who was involved in a car accident. Everybody worked in a steady rhythm while I was not concentrated for some reason, I didn't know why I just had a bad feeling.

"Dr. Halstead, can I talk to you for a moment?" Goodwin asked approaching me as I am leaning on the nurse's station waiting for my next patient to be admitted into the hospital.

"Sure."

"Let's go to my office."

Nodding, I took two steps further before the doors burst open and a gurney was rushed in. My heart dropped to my feet the moment a wrecked, terrified Hailey appeared in my view walking first into the ED. My little brother was right beside her, laid on the gurney with the two paramedics trying to stabilize him.

"Jay." My voice came out weird, broken. I felt so lost in the scene evolving right in front of me that I didn't even realize that Jay had already been transferred in a trauma room.

The short breaths through the oxygen mask that was placed on his face, will haunt me forever. His struggle to stay awake and alive, his will for life, that's a picture I ain't forgetting any time soon.

"Will, I need you." Marcel exclaimed, his expression like mine. "Talk to him, keep him calm. We need to stabilize his vitals so we can operate and extract the bullet."

So he was shot. That's new. How the hell did he get shot?

My brother's hand felt so cold when I reached it for the first time in days, so shaky… His pulse was so weak. "Hey, Jay, it's me, Will, your older goofy brother who never always makes wrong decisions." His hand squeezed mine with all the strength left in his body. "Stay with me, man, don't close your eyes. Don't… Please." The tears had already started falling.

"120 bpm."

"Blood pressure 80/30, we're losing him."

"He's hypothermic."

"Respiratory distress."

"Shit, Halstead, stay with us." I hear Marcel screaming at the top of his lungs as he pulled his stethoscope off my brother's chest.

"Come on Jay, you are the only family I have left, I can't lose you, not now. Come on."

Soon the mask was replaced by a vent which meant things were more severe than I expected. However, the stubborn kid still tried to stay awake.

"Hey, remember when we were kids and you decided to learn skateboard? Remember when you fell off it and broke your arm? Remember what I told you?" He knew exactly what I was talking about, he looked at me in the eyes, he was aware of the fact that this could be our last moment together. He had tears too; his eyes might have been puffy from all the drugs he had received the last minutes but I could see them.

"Let's take him upstairs." A voice announced and just like that he disappeared from my view. The last thing written in my mind is Marcel's look. Full of concern, full of negativity.

"Dr. Halstead, are you alright?" Someone stopped me as I walked down the hallway making my way to the bathroom in order to throw water on my face and recover from this nightmare. I didn't want to face Voight at the moment, it would do more harm than good to my feelings.

"Who shot my brother?"

"Jay was kidnapped."

"WHAT? Why didn't you inform me? When was I supposed to know? When you brought his body in a casket? Why didn't you tell me?" I pushed him hard against the wall, not controlling my emotions and my nerves. "I had the right to know."

He explained everything to me. How the case with Marcus West went wrong, how my brother helped his wife and son, how she shot him in that basement. How they found him gasping for air.

"I got to go upstairs." Those were my last words before I ran to the elevator to catch up with Marcel.

The only advantage of being a doctor at Chicago Med is that you get to burst in the operating room whenever you want, without the security coming after you. They only let me reach the glass that separates the space where the surgery takes place from the rest of the room. Watching Jay unconscious sent chills through my spine, my legs get weaker and weaker every second. It happened last time too… When he almost infected himself. This time though, it's different. The chances of surviving are minor.

"Will…" Marcel is suddenly standing next to me; I must have been daydreaming all this time.

"How is he?"

Shaking his head, he replies. "Don't get your hopes up. The bullet nicked an artery and we're trying to repair it for the past hour. He's lost a lot of blood, Will. I am sorry."

I wanted to break the glass, get in and magically heal him. No… No… My brother had to live. He survived the war in Afghanistan, another kidnapping and more injuries after. He couldn't die like this. My face was hidden behind my palms as I was sitting on the floor of the operating room, crying hard. "Don't leave me, brother. Just don't."

After it felt like hours I decided to stand up and announce the news to his team. As I insert the waiting room everyone is present. Not only, Intelligence, the whole 21st is there patiently waiting for an update. Jay's team members approached me as I made my entrance in the waiting room. I can't remember their faces, only Hailey's. He walked to me with exasperation written all over her face, like she was waiting for me to assure her that her partner was going to okay, to assure her that she would still have a partner after all of this.

"Hello everyone… I… I just talked to Dr. Marcel. He said that the bullet grazed an artery… I.." The truth is I would collapse on the floor if I continued speaking.

"Will, is he gonna be okay?" Voight asked.

"He's lost a lot of blood." How was I supposed to continue after this? Ruzek noticed and made an attempt to comfort me. Voight just out a hand on my shoulder for a sec and went further to talk to Burgess. "I am sorry guys, that's all I have." I spit out before leaving again.

I am currently on the roof, holding my tablet, watching videos of us. Instagram stories. Although Jay hates social media, I love to tease him by posting them in public. He always holds a beer on his hand, that man would sleep with a beer by his side if could. He seems so happy here. So fearless, nothing like the scared little kid I faced downstairs. I can't wait to show him my latest Instagram video when he wakes up. If he wakes up…

**Helloo there.**

**It's 2 days till Chicago PD returns and I am terrified. I keep thinking that Jay won't survive and I really need him on the show. I mean he is the heart of Chicago PD. This story is based on the sneak peek that came out a couple of weeks ago. I hope you like it!**

**Love you all, **

**~The fourth bionic~**


End file.
